Missy Giorgi - 22 - MI
I am a giggly, goobery, artsy fartsy, nerdy, doe eyed musician / flower child / vixen. I like impromptu adventures in the wild and dancing around in my undies to upbeat tunes when no one is home while pretending I’m a DJ. I love new friends!
Sometimes the road will be riddled with foreseeable treacheries and we will have time to formulate a plan of action with this knowledge in mind. Sometimes our demons will be lurking in the shadows unbeknownst to us and fields of flowers will disguise the creeping gardens of poisonous foliage of the mind.
Sometimes we will fail to appreciate the serenity of a safe path and take for granted the peace it has to offer. Sometimes we will love a place too dearly to advance and wither in nostalgia….but all paths lead to new destinations so long as we push forward in the end. No matter how long we take or what off beaten trails we choose to follow, the message will always ring true in the hearts of us all:
There will always be pain, but what would we know of joy had we of never experienced times of its absence?
There will always be another direction to take, another journey to embark upon. To surrender your will to trek forward in fear of the unknown….you may never allow yourself the bliss of elation in discovering new lands of opportunity. There is much to see, no matter how bleak the skies may be now. The rain and the cold may be relentless, but what does the winter bring….if not yet another spring?
Cool. Now I feel like a shit gf cos I suck at giving affection, I don’t like sex, I’m really private and need a ton of space like…..shit, who would ever wanna date some cold detached bitch like that? I can see why he’d think I was using him……but without him my life would be so fucking useless and worthless and I suck at telling him how much he means to me. I just hate sentimental goo goo lovey dovey shit! I know he loves it and I used to be like that but nowadays I just like being a casual best friend with my love interests….they all eventually leave though because I don’t put out or give affection enough or shower them with cute lovey phrases. I just think all that stuff is useless. I do appreciate him in my life and there’s a million reasons why he’s important to me and why I care about him, I just feel uncomfortable talking about love because its all so happy and optimistic and idk. I try to stay realistic to protect myself, but I guess really all I’m being is pessimistic and causing problems for myself…
Why dont you look at me like Im precious anymore
When I still adore you, all of you:
The curves of your cheekbones,
The smell of your skin
Or the heaviness of your lips,
(But not the way they seem to hesitate on mine)
Why does it seem youve become so uninspired
And why so easily
When you still make me weak at the knees
When you smile at me
Or your hand brushes up against my leg,
But not like you used to,
Intentionally making contact for the sake of being close,
Pulling my head against your chest
And burying your face in my hair
(Whens the last time you wanted to)
I really fear you dont care if I’m around
And youve made no motion to dispell my uncertainties
How did this happen so quickly
Why am I so paranoid
When did you stop finding me fascinating
I dont feel important, I feel expendable
What is wrong with me
Why dont you want me anymore
Maybe I dont want me anymore
And Im projecting onto you
I almost said “I wish my life had an undo button”, but then I thought about it and now Im glad it isnt that easy. Nothing is easy, but the energy you put into your work can gain a personal significance if you at least accept that life is trial and error and sometimes hardships may come, but you have the ability to make the choice to either let it disable you or enlighten you. Well, I’ve been moving steadily forward this whole time and I cant stop, I wont stop now. Theres too much wonder to be found and so much opportunity in change. Transformation isnt a smooth path, it’s the natural path. Im okay. Everything is okay. Everything is going to only get better from here on out because I am choosing to hold on and keep fighting to understand myself and others. I hope you all will too.
Because im a man, you say, as you try to explain why we cant just cuddle, why I cant stay, why you think I should be sucking down semen without voicing dissent and wiping my mouth as the screen door slams behind me and im left with the silence of my insignificance. Because im a man, you say, as you blame your bodys discomfort on your attraction to mine and demand I offer service to you for my devilish ways. Because im a man, you say, but I think a real man would beg to differ. You think your experience with sticky bodies, sweat drenched and clashing, alleviate your itching addiction for inflated ego and justify the means by which you obtain your fix, but a real man would beg to differ, would never say they fufill their role of masculinity or dominance in the disgrace and disposal of a woman. Because you’re a user, I say, of excuses and bodies of flesh for personal gain you’re a loser, I say, and I won’t contribute to your addiction to short bursts of physical euphoria and I wont be the ashes, empty bottles or hypodermic needle that you throw away.